Toddler Tantrums 101: Why They Happen and What You Can Do?

“Feeling cute might throw a tantrum later.” This might sound familiar if you are a parent of a toddler aged 1 to 3. You might have experienced your little sweetheart exploding like a firecracker. Toddler tantrums are quite normal, but a pretty challenging part of raising young kids. Why do they happen, and what can be done about them? Let us read further to learn more. What are Toddler Tantrums? Toddler tantrums are sudden, intense emotional outbursts that often include crying, kicking, hitting, stomping, screaming, and throwing objects. Tantrums in toddlers can last a few seconds to several minutes. (1) Research shows that around 87% of toddlers aged 1.5 years to 2 years and 91% of toddlers aged 2.5 to 3 years experienced tantrums. (2) Before toddlers develop words or learn how to manage their emotions, they express their overwhelming emotions through tantrums. They are not being naughty; they are doing it because they are still learning, trying to figure out various ways to handle big emotions with little brains. Why Do Toddler Tantrums Happen? Toddler tantrums result from a mix of emotional and developmental changes. Here are some of the most common reasons toddler tantrums occur. 1. Lack of Proper Language Skills Toddlers might know exactly what they want, but they lack the vocabulary to say it. When they fail to express what they want, frustration builds, and the tantrum time comes. 2. Growing Frustration Frustration is a major trigger for tantrums in toddlers. Toddlers might be willing to build a big castle with their blocks, but because of limited problem-solving skills and fine motor skills, they might not be able to complete their dream castle. Sometimes, being tired or hungry can also drop their ability to cope, and boom! It’s Tantrum time! 3. Fostering Self-reliance Around the age of two, toddlers begin to realize they have an identity of their own and are separate from their parents. This specific realization makes them want to choose their own things. In the meantime, they start saying “NO” and forming their own opinions. 4. Emotional Overload Toddlers’ brains are still developing. The prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for logic and calming, is not fully developed yet. Thus, when feelings flood in, they start being overwhelmed. (3) 5. Seeking Attention “Everyone has their own way to seek attention, toddlers have tantrums!” Toddlers love attention; if they realize that throwing tantrums brings everyone running to them, they might start using them to get what they want. 6. Cognitive Development Toddler tantrums usually happen because the little ones’ cognitive skills are not yet fully developed. At this stage, toddlers’ brains are learning to process emotions, communicate, and understand certain rules; however, these cognitive skills are not yet fully developed. What Can You Do About Toddler Tantrums? If your tiny tot is throwing tantrums, do not doubt your parenting; they are quite normal during this developmental phase. Here are some things you can do about toddler tantrums. 1. Be By Their Side Your presence is greatly valued. Be there for your toddler while they are throwing tantrums. Do not shout or get angry; stay calm. 2. Use Simple Language Gently say things like, “You seem to be upset. I am there for you to help”. Use simple language so they can focus on your support. 3. Offer Comfort if They Want it. Some toddlers might want a hug when they are dealing with tough feelings inside. However, others might want a little space. So, try to comfort them however they want. 4. Stay Consistent with Limits “Consistency builds predictability and trust.” If one day your answer is “NO”, make sure you keep it NO” always. However, say it gently and kindly. 5. Squishy Toys Can Be a Calming Tool Squishy toys can help the little ones calm down after a tantrum. They give their hands something to do, and squeezing releases tension. One of the best calming tools could be the Beady Bear. They work as a calming tool only after the intense waves pass. However, to help them calm immediately, you need to be right there supporting them calmly, using simple words, and keeping their space safe. Final Words Tantrums are nothing to worry about; they are part of your child’s emotional development. Don’t feel embarrassed. You are not wrong, and you are not alone either. With the right tricks and tools, you can handle toddler tantrums very well.  References 1.https://www.nhs.uk/baby/babys-development/behaviour/temper-tantrums/ 2.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/books/NBK544286/#:~:text=Tantrums%20most%20commonly%20occur%20between,by%20gender%20or%20race/ethnicity 3.https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK534819/#:~:text=Even%20before%20acquiring%20language%2C%20babies,higher%20and%20lower%20limbic%20structures Author: Electra Padhy Freelance Content Writer, TESOL Certified, NTT (Nursery Teacher's Training